


Rage Against the Dying of the Light

by astraeus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:51:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1332586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraeus/pseuds/astraeus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it was always meant to end this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rage Against the Dying of the Light

It has been seven years and Eren’s dreams are still dappled with spots of red. More often than not, he wakes up with his chest heaving, tears in his eyes and unable to forget, no matter what. He rolls onto his side and reaches over the edge of the bed, seeking out the bottle he knows is always there. Eren sits up, unscrews the top, and finishes what was left of the amber liquid in a single drink. The boy frowns down at the empty bottle, deciding that he will probably have to ride into town to replenish his quickly dwindling supply of alcohol and then allows the bottle to fall out of his hand and land on the floor with a muffled thump.

It has been seven years, and still, Eren cries himself to sleep.

*

“Eren, where are you going?”

He hears his mother’s question, but does not respond. He is instead entirely focused on getting to the main street as quickly as possible and leaving Mikasa to make his excuses for him. The sound of bells echoes in his chest in time to the steady pace of his steps. He pushes through the crowd of people until he reaches the front and looks on in awe at the soldiers on horseback. They have returned from another mission and while they are dirty and defeated, Eren looks on in awe. He is only eight, but he already knows that he wants to be strong like these men and women. The people that lay their lives on the line over and over again just to give humanity a shot at winning this seemingly fruitless war.

His gaze catches on a man with a face no older than thirty, but with slate grey eyes that look as if they’ve seen many centuries come to pass. “Humanity’s strongest”, he hears the men behind him whisper.

Eren decides that he wants to be just like this strong man with ancient eyes.

*

The man above him moves hot and sweaty against his back, a forehead pressed to his shoulder blades. Moans and pants echo off the brick walls of the bedroom, bouncing around and ricocheting until there’s no way to tell whose sounds belong to whom.

“Yeager,” the man whispers, “Turn around. Please.”

If the captain’s voice wasn’t completely wrecked, it would have sounded like an order.

Eren complies, quickly flipping around onto his back with Levi kneeling between his spread legs. He reaches a hand up to brush from Levi’s temple to just underneath his chin, thin eyebrows knitting together as he leans into the teenager’s touch.

“What are you staring at?”

Eren didn’t realize that he was staring. This happens a lot.

“I was thinking about how you look like the moon,” he responds.

Levi scoffs. “If I’m the moon, then what are you?”

“That’s entirely up to you, captain.”

The older man sits back on his haunches and ponders for a moment, eyes going far away.

“Well since we’re comparing ourselves to things that aren’t alive, I think you’re rather a lot like the large bodies of water I’ve read about,” he decides, cocking his head to the side and waiting for Eren’s response.

The only thing Eren does is pull Levi down into a fierce kiss.

*

Eren has to find his team and retreat right now, right the fuck now because it’s starting to snow and snow can only get heavier until there’s no visibility and a one hundred percent chance that no one is going to make it back to the walls. All he sees are enormous black outlines approaching whatever is left of the formation and bodies beginning to shoot through the air.

_Not the 3d devices. Not in this weather_

All he can do is turn sharply and gallop as fast as he can towards where his comrades are bravely

Stupidly

Taking on half a dozen titans on flat land.

After the attacking titans are eliminated and their corpses are melting the snow surrounding them, he seeks out Levi. Trotting past his friends and team members

_The ones that are still alive, anyway_

he searches for a disgruntled face, angrily wiping blood from a pair of flesh paring blades.

What he finds instead shatters his soul.

Levi on the ground, chest heaving, with an arm mangled and bloody barely hanging on to his shoulder.

_No, no, no, no._

_This isn’t supposed to happen._

He tumbles off his horse and races forward. Reaching the older man, Eren collapses into the snow turned slushy with blood.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re going to be alright” he says, probably more for himself than for Levi.

“Quiet,” the man rattles out and it seems like it took a part of his soul just to get that single word out.

Eren places his forehead softly against Levi’s, “Don’t leave.”

A bloody smirk graces the face of the captain.

“Not likely”, he says. A final breath lurches from his chest and Levi goes limp in Eren’s arms.

The scream ripped from Eren’s throat is unlike any sound that squad has ever heard.

*

“What are you writing?” the boy asks, peering over his superior’s shoulder.

“None of your business, brat.” Levi replies without pausing his writing “Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning something?”

Eren tips onto the balls of his feet and says smugly “I’ve already finished”.

A disbelieving sound comes from Levi’s throat.

He pouts and wonders why he even hangs around this grumpy old man.

“Someday I’ll let you read this, Eren”, the captain says, turning his head to face the boy. “I promise.”

He smiles happily and nods before descending lips to rain down on the nape of the older man’s neck.

*

The days following Levi’s death feel unreal, like a dream and Eren is quite sure he’s going to wake up in the Captain’s bed any minute now, sunlight shining in through the single window and falling on a disgruntled morning face.

He doesn’t wake up.

He’s taken to sleeping in Levi’s

_What once was Levi’s_

old bedroom. It smells of black tea and Eren wonders how long he can make the scent last.

 _Not long_ , he decides.

One day he wakes up and his swollen eyes fall upon the desk in the corner of the room. Eren approaches it and hopes to god he finds what he’s looking for.

He rips out drawers, not caring about the papers that fall haphazardly onto the hard stone floor. Tears run down his cheeks and he finally finds a small, black, leather bound journal. With shaking hands, he cracks open the cover and flips to a random page.

As fate would have it, it’s an entry devoted to Eren.

Turquoise eyes rove over the blocky handwriting.

_Last night, before we made love, Eren told me that I remind him of the moon. He is a strange child with strange thoughts that I may never understand. He asked me what he reminds me of._

_I told him the ocean, and last night I don’t know why I said it. The description seemed right. I think because Eren is something huge and real. The child is constantly moving, shifting, and changing. On normal days he is calm and kind like sweet mist, but when you truly look at him there is a storm brewing beneath his eyes. In his eyes are rolling waves, angry and deadly and vicious. Sometimes his eyes flash and I remember that he is no ordinary boy. He rocking me to sleep on calm gentle waves or he drowning me in a matter of seconds is equally likely and I’m not entirely convinced that I’d be upset if I drowned inside of Eren Yeager. He has potential to move mountains and potential to make me believe it even if he couldn't. I fear that this child will ruin me and I fear that I will love every minute of it._

Eren stares at the page and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, then throws the journal at the wall.

He steals his first bottle of liquor from the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't exactly know what this is. It was penned at 4am when I decided that Eren needed to be compared to the ocean.


End file.
